Ravings of an Insomniac

Greetings dear readers. Here I am, at five thirty on a Saturday morning, seated at my computer sending out my words into the twisting nether that is the "interwebs." Unlike my usual focused rantings, this morning's blogcast is born more of a lack of sleep, and as such the lack of focus, or coherence, can be chalked up to the complete and utter lack of sleep I've obtained this evening.

Now perhaps first, one should examine said insomnia. Recently I've downloaded the "Sleep Cycle" application for my iPhone4, and have learned that sleep really isn't a problem for me. I tend to drop right in, I spend a great deal of time in a deep sound slumber, and then I wake up. Tonight however, tonight I have tossed and turned. I'm unsure what's bringing about this paradigm shift. Perhaps its the massive crick in my neck, or maybe it's nerves. To be honest, I'm counting on it being the latter.

Tomorrow is a huge day in my life, a day where I hope to take the initial step into a completely unknown world for me. I approach it eagerly and happily. However, I cannot say that I'm not afraid. I know that my dearest Alicia would say that there is very little that I'm afraid of, and to be honest I'd agree with her. I've spent a fair portion of my life striving to overcome and eliminate my fears. I attended Dental Assisting school, so that I could get over my fear of the dentist. I'm climbed great heights, to overcome that fear as well. So the fact that the events of tomorrow, or at least the events that I have set into motion, scare me so totally... Is a whole new experience for me. Now, allow me to state two things. First, the events of tomorrow are not destined to be revealed in this particular blogcast. That, loyal readers, is a future episode. I also must state that there is no negativity, or illegality, or any other bad connotations to these aforementioned events. The fear comes from the unknown. Any who know me would be quick to state that I despise failing. That is my big fear. The decision that I've made, the choice to take this first step, is integrally tied to someone else. Their life is dependent on my ability to do this well.

My thoughts aren't flowing together this evening, and this blogcast is not smoothly moving through its sequence. For the first time since I began writing The Rogue Signal, I'm unable to put into words the feelings that I'm seeking to convey. It's possible that I just don't understand them. I'm not hesitating, I'm not feeling like it's a bad idea. I want to make that clear, because the more I write, the more I know that you, loyal readers, have already begun to guess what it is I'm feeling nervous of. I'm not having doubts, at least not that I'm making the right decision. The doubts, are all self directed. The usual confident and self-assured man that I am, is having a "whelpy" moment.

I don't want to fail. I don't want to let anyone down. The people involved in this decision, either directly or by extension, mean far too much to me for me to fail them.

Who knows, maybe I'm just being crazy. Or maybe I'm just human. Maybe, I've just said maybe too many times in one episode of this blogcast. Whatever the case may be, I feel as though the words that I'm putting down are just those of a whining and nervous boy. Forgive me, loyal readers, for I pray that I've not caused you to feel I've wasted your time. I think I'll go take some asprin for this neck pain, and try and go to sleep again. As always friends, I appreciate the time you've spent reading the haplessly falling words that I've chosen to place upon the interwebby space. Wish me luck friends, I'll need it.

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.