A Week of Learning

Hail loyal readers. As some of you may know, I've spent the past week absolutely miserably ill. I've got some virus, that starts with a C, that I can't even pronounce. Apparently it's a disease that is regularly caught by young children, but that wreaks absolute havoc on an adult. I'm at the tail end of it, I'm hoping, but luckily my doctor signed a note excusing me from work, so I don't have to deal with any of that mess.

Interestingly enough, this week of being laid up has done a great deal for me. I've spent a great deal of time thinking. It's been a quiet week of contemplation. Alicia has been still in school of course, and my grandparents (in whose house I currently live) are still doing their snowbirding trip in Arizona, so as a result I've spent a great deal of time by myself. These days of quiet, and calm (save of course for the times when I feel close to death due to illness) have been spent in contemplation and reflection.

I've done a great deal of reading, or audiobook listening, depending on the day. I've spent a great deal of time reading through blogs on marriage. Let's lay something down right here, getting married to Alicia is the best decision I've ever made. The planning and facilitation has been a challenge, however it's my belief that these trials and decisions have brought myself and my love to be infinitely closer. No one in this world knows me better than my boo, but I would be the first to admit that she and I both have wealths of information to learn about the other, and this experience has brought a great deal of progress in that department.

I could go on for hours and hours, and paragraphs and paragraphs relating to the lessons that I have learned. Lessons about myself, about Alicia, about marriage, engagement, colors, fabrics... and many other things.

Perhaps one of the biggest and most amazing discoveries this week, has been what I'm heavily considering going back to school for. As Alicia and I embarked on one of our favorite pass times, watching documentaries together, we noticed that a great deal of the documentaries that I select, are about the ocean, and it's myriad of lifeforms. After some research, I've decided that I would love to be an oceanographer. I'm very excited to return to school, and honestly, this is the first time that I've felt that way. I've always known that going back to school is necessary, but I have not been excited. This course of study however, has reignited my desire to learn, and has me anxious to return to a university. First things first is a bachelor's in biology, then a master's in oceanography, and then, depending on what is going on in life, I desire to obtain my Ph.D as well.

However, I'm digressing. I do wish to speak about two of the things that I've learned this week that stand out to me the most.

The first is the effects of stress in my life. Alicia will vouch for the fact that worrying and stressing are two things I rarely do. I generally am able to look at a situation and see how to work through to the end of it. Stressing out about things has never been my style. However, my new job is FILLED with stress. I literally get paid to have people yell at me, and this is not something that I'm particularly... built for. Alicia and I discussed it at great length, and we determined that part of the reason that a) this disease was able to hit my usually impervious immune system and b) why it hit me like a Mack truck laden down with concrete is because my entire system is so unaccustomed to stress. The other factor of this is minor things, that I would usually be able to work my way through, have been weighing more heavily on me of length. I'm now worrying more than I can remember worrying in my life. However, as it is, it's raised a very important detail to the attention of myself and my future bride. It's very clear that while this job pays the bills for now, the faster I can get into a different vocation, the better.

Now, the other thing that I've uncovered, is the ability to do just about anything with Alicia and enjoy it. Now, that isn't to say that everything we do is the very best experience ever. There are definitely things that Alicia will enjoy significantly more that I will enjoy it. This is also not to say that alone time isn't important. Something that Alicia and I know is that we need time by ourselves. I don't care who you are, how in love you are, how perfect things are, everyone and I mean everyone, needs decompression time. Allow yourself, and your other half to have time to themselves, and you will find that the time you do spend together is even more of a treasure than other moments. What I have learned, is that things I would never consider doing by myself, and that in reality I could not consider doing with other people, are things that I find profound enjoyment in when I do them with Alicia. She has made me a Biggest Loser fan, I enjoy taking walks with her, and these are just two examples. I choose to believe that there are things that I enjoy that she does with me, and finds enjoyment as long as it's something we do together.

This is perhaps the most important part. While alone time is critical, together time is just as important. This is not sitting in the same room. That is not together time. That is being in the same room together. Interaction is important. That is truly where the relationship with my boo blossomed, is when we truly began to interact. I have learned that interaction with Alicia brings me fulfillment. Taking interest in what she does, whether it's the specifics of a day at work, to something she learned in class, my greatest moments in a day are when she and I just relate to one another.

I pass this information on for multiple reasons. Perhaps my younger brother's who read this can learn lessons that it has taken me a long time to learn. Perhaps my loyal readers may incorporate something into it. Perhaps it's simply to affirm to myself that I've learned these things. Whatever the case, I feel it is important for me to "pen" these words.

I look forward to my marriage, nothing in my life has held more happiness, excitement and ever terror (yes terror) than this upcoming event. Change is scary my friends, but it's also amazing. This is a change that I wait for breathlessly.

It is my hope and prayer that the lessons I've learned, will do something for the friends and followers of this blog cast. Until next time my friends, this has been another blogcast of The Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

The Path I Choose to Walk

Greetings loyal readers! It's been a busy week, training officially ended at the new job, and things regarding my engagement have been flying at us at lightspeed. We have accomplished so much considering we have been engaged only a week. We have set a date, booked a venue, planned out the luncheon, and booked a photographer. Colors and the like are all chosen. So many things have just fallen in to place, I'd like to publicly state how grateful I am for my future mother in law. She has shouldered a great deal of the burdens, and she has been amazing. Thank you Tere, for all your support.

As a Saturday filled with planning activities swirled by us yesterday, one of the things I took a chance to do was examine my life. It is my belief, that no matter who we are, no matter where as are at, we take a look at the path not chosen. I took the time to think about, and discuss with my best friend, who also happens to be my future bride. I wondered, what if I had chosen to stay in Washington after getting my Associate's? What if I'd never gone to Skagit Valley College? Now I know that puzzling over these questions seems pointless, after all, we can't change the past. However, there was a distinct value in my personal musings.

See loyal readers, this journey I've chosen to embark upon, this eternal voyage I've chosen to pursue with my beloved, all has happened because of the decisions I made.

Let me lay something down right here, dear friends, I believe in choice. I am a firm and stalwart believer in the idea of free agency. Yet, I also believe in divine guidance. I have the forebearance to know that every choice in my life, has been with the hand of another in my life. Some may look at my choices and question them, yet I know that I made the decisions that needed to be made. After all, if is never left Washington, I'd never have met my boo. If I'd gotten a scholarship, I'd never have gone to the various places ive now gone. The key fundamental thing that I realized last night is this. I am a sum of my experiences. I was forged by the fires of my trials. I have been tempered by the experiences of myself, and those I've met. The faces of people, some I may never see again, are forever etched on my memory. The events of my life, have folded, and unfolded, forming the puzzle that I am. What I realize now, is there was only one answer to this puzzle.

You see, after everything, the puzzle was incomplete. Yet I have found that single missing piece. The choices of my life, led me to the only possible outcome. Girls have tried to fit the piece in to that last empty slot, and failed. Then, I met my boo. With no apparent effort she clicked that last piece in where it belongs. My life, my puzzle, is complete. I now feel as though every choice and decision makes sense.

I was brought to this point by my choices in life. Every tear, every smile, every pain and every joy, have molded me into the man that was best suited for the amazing woman I now call my fiancé. I raise a prayer of thanks, for everything I have endured, because I know now, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that there was a reason. A reason, that bears the most beautiful name in the world. That reason, was Alicia.

Fair readers, I have bared a portion of my soul tonight. I thank you for the opportunity. As ways, this has been another blog cast of The Rogue Signal. Until next time my friends, good night and good luck.

The End of One Story, The Beginning of Another.

Hail, and well met loyal readers! I told you I'd be back, and as promised I intend to clarify everything about yesterday's early morning blog, that may, or may not have been unclear to those who read it.

Yesterday was an intricate series of plans, all woven together, I must say masterfully, by myself. These plans, should everything go as planned, would culminate in one, ultimate event.

So allow me to start at the beginning. Alicia and I spent the day together yesterday, and that is where the plan began. Step one of the plan, was to take my beautiful girlfriend to the restaurant, that she has termed the provider of her "favorite lemon chicken in the world." Now, knowing my boo, I should have expected a small hole in the wall restaurant... I however, did not. For some reason, my impression, after listening to her speak of the divinity of said lemon chicken, felt that I would be stepping in to a mystical and marvelous, semi upscale Chinese joint. Imagine my surprise when I discovered Alicia and I the only patrons of this place at lunch time. I am pleased to announce, however, that Alicia enjoyed her entrée. I however, and fear not I have let Alicia know this, did not. This entire experience confirmed for me, just how much love for Alicia I have. Despite my utter disappointment with the, not to be named, restaurant, I enjoyed every moment of it, because Alicia did.

We now progress to phase two. The rest of the day was just spent hanging out. Alicia did some reading for school, I did some research on a new computer game. The details of the in between time aren't really important, because this was, honestly, just the intermission between phase one, and phase two. As it reaches about 3:30ish, Alicia and I jump in my car and drive to the local TRAX (a lightrail) station. Trax provides us with easy access to downtown Salt Lake City, and that's where the rest of my plan was to take place. However, the train ride itself was key as well. Ever since we met, we've discussed wanting to take a train ride together. Now, I'll be the first to admit that stepping on to a light rail train, doesn't really count. But given the circumstances, I felt it would work. (and luckily it did.)

We enjoyed the train ride, we laughed, we held hands, we had a great time. I feel that my phase two, was a success. This brings us of course, to stage three. Stage three was a bit more freeform. We had time to kill between stage four and stage two, and so I filled it in with a romantic walk around downtown Salt Lake. We walked through temple square, noted and chuckled at the various "interesting poses" that the assorted couples having weddings were put through. We took numerous pictures, which I will be inserting in the blogcast. We talked about the various places, and memories we had of them. Nothing pivotal happened, and yet, of all the phases I think I enjoyed this one the most. Alicia will be pleased to read, and to hear, that I love walking with her. Pretty much anywhere, as long as the distance isn't overly ridiculous. :)

Phase four, crunch time. We mounted the elevators inside the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, and Alicia was a bit nervous. We headed to the tenth (and top) floor, and given that we had a few minutes before the reservations that I'd made earlier in the week, we took some time to stare out over the Salt Lake Valley. I held her tight, and as we gazed out over the valley, I once again knew that what I was about to do was the right choice. At 5:25 we headed back into the foyer, and I led her around a corner into The Roof restaurant. I'll admit that I didn't know what to expect either. We were entering a world that was immensely more swank than anything either of us had experienced. Luckily, we'd dressed the part, I still will always wonder what Alicia thought we were doing downtown when I gently suggested we dress up slightly, and then got on TRAX.

The Roof, was wonderful, however the choice of the Roof was not coincidental. When I was young, probably about eight or nine, my parents brought my to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building to watch a film called "Legacy." After watching the film, we'd gone up to the tenth floor to gaze out the observation decks over the entire valley. It was at this moment, that I first saw The Roof, and something inside me clicked. I knew, that if I had the opportunity, I would one day perform the act that I had planned, in that very restaurant. Which, brings us back to yesterday.

We made a couple of trips to the swanky, upscale buffet, and then, I reached across the table and took my beloved's hand. I looked into her eyes, and I told her words that were meant only for her ears. I can't be sure, but I have a feeling that for years to come she will be able to quote the words I said to her verbatim. Then, with my heart pounding in my chest, and my vision clouded by tears, I climbed out of my tiny, swanky upscale seat, and got down on one knee. I reached into my pocket and removed the small diamond ring, and I queried softly.

"Alicia, will you marry me?

Now, let's be real here, the delay was no more than a heartbeat. A chance for the woman who I had just brought tears to her eyes, to catch her breath and speak the response, but that instant, lasted for an eternity. But when those gorgeous brown eyes glowed, and the lips of my beloved spoke, the word that came out has never, ever, been rivaled by another in the happiness it brought me. She whispered quietly, yes.

To be honest, there is little left of the story. My plan was complete. To this moment, I'm exceedingly happy. The woman that I love, is the woman I've chosen to dedicate my entire life to. I will state it plainly and openly here in this blogcast. Alicia Weir, is the reason I am who I am. Each and every day since I met her, she has encouraged me, both openly and subtly, to be a better person. Every choice I make, while not directly for her benefit, bares her as a decision making factor. She is my heart, she is the reason I choose to excel at everything that I can. I'd give anything in the world, just to make her smile once during the course of a day. She is... everything to me.

Plain and simply, I will need to stop speaking to the masses of readers, and rather, narrow this next sentence at one single faithful reader.

Alicia, I love you.

Friends, I appreciate you all, for reading through this experience, so that you may share it with me. Doubt not, that as the weeks go by between now and the planned wedding in June, you will see numerous blogs, both here and at orangestraw.blogspot.com discussing the joys, the stresses, the frustrations, and the victories in our rapid fire plannings. I will be posting photos, so that you can see that I'm not making it all up. As always loyal readers, thank you, and until next time, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

Ravings of an Insomniac

Greetings dear readers. Here I am, at five thirty on a Saturday morning, seated at my computer sending out my words into the twisting nether that is the "interwebs." Unlike my usual focused rantings, this morning's blogcast is born more of a lack of sleep, and as such the lack of focus, or coherence, can be chalked up to the complete and utter lack of sleep I've obtained this evening.

Now perhaps first, one should examine said insomnia. Recently I've downloaded the "Sleep Cycle" application for my iPhone4, and have learned that sleep really isn't a problem for me. I tend to drop right in, I spend a great deal of time in a deep sound slumber, and then I wake up. Tonight however, tonight I have tossed and turned. I'm unsure what's bringing about this paradigm shift. Perhaps its the massive crick in my neck, or maybe it's nerves. To be honest, I'm counting on it being the latter.

Tomorrow is a huge day in my life, a day where I hope to take the initial step into a completely unknown world for me. I approach it eagerly and happily. However, I cannot say that I'm not afraid. I know that my dearest Alicia would say that there is very little that I'm afraid of, and to be honest I'd agree with her. I've spent a fair portion of my life striving to overcome and eliminate my fears. I attended Dental Assisting school, so that I could get over my fear of the dentist. I'm climbed great heights, to overcome that fear as well. So the fact that the events of tomorrow, or at least the events that I have set into motion, scare me so totally... Is a whole new experience for me. Now, allow me to state two things. First, the events of tomorrow are not destined to be revealed in this particular blogcast. That, loyal readers, is a future episode. I also must state that there is no negativity, or illegality, or any other bad connotations to these aforementioned events. The fear comes from the unknown. Any who know me would be quick to state that I despise failing. That is my big fear. The decision that I've made, the choice to take this first step, is integrally tied to someone else. Their life is dependent on my ability to do this well.

My thoughts aren't flowing together this evening, and this blogcast is not smoothly moving through its sequence. For the first time since I began writing The Rogue Signal, I'm unable to put into words the feelings that I'm seeking to convey. It's possible that I just don't understand them. I'm not hesitating, I'm not feeling like it's a bad idea. I want to make that clear, because the more I write, the more I know that you, loyal readers, have already begun to guess what it is I'm feeling nervous of. I'm not having doubts, at least not that I'm making the right decision. The doubts, are all self directed. The usual confident and self-assured man that I am, is having a "whelpy" moment.

I don't want to fail. I don't want to let anyone down. The people involved in this decision, either directly or by extension, mean far too much to me for me to fail them.

Who knows, maybe I'm just being crazy. Or maybe I'm just human. Maybe, I've just said maybe too many times in one episode of this blogcast. Whatever the case may be, I feel as though the words that I'm putting down are just those of a whining and nervous boy. Forgive me, loyal readers, for I pray that I've not caused you to feel I've wasted your time. I think I'll go take some asprin for this neck pain, and try and go to sleep again. As always friends, I appreciate the time you've spent reading the haplessly falling words that I've chosen to place upon the interwebby space. Wish me luck friends, I'll need it.

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.