The Old-Fashioned Way

So it's been a while loyal readers, and yet there is a reason. That reason, is one that will become more and more apparent to you as the rest of this blog is read. You see friends, over the past few weeks, as I've worked through the stress and strain of training for a new job, I've made a realization. You see, I've decided that Alicia Weir, my girlfriend, has become more to me than that.

Alicia is my best friend, she's my most trusted companion, and she's the person I turn to first when I need advice, when I need help, or when I just need comfort. Alicia has become not my reason for living, but the reason for which I live. Everything in my life that I do, I do with her in mind. I seek to improve my life, so that it can better make her happy. I seek to bring joy to her, with every action I take. Recently she and I had a conversation, and one thing was stated. This statement resonated with me then, and it will, I believe, resonate with me for the rest of eternity. Alicia stated the following to me,

"Erik, we're a team. No matter what challenge we face, we don't ever need to do it alone again. We can do it together, forever.

This statement, profoundly impacted my life. It made me think, and for two weeks I've thought, and pondered, and prayed.

So tonight, I'm going to Sunday dinner with my girlfriend's family. Tonight, I'm going to step outside of my comfort zone. You see, something that I learned is that my girlfriend's wonderful family, is old fashioned. You see, I've been informed, through the grapevine, that it is incumbent upon me to request the permission of my girlfriend's father and mother, to ask for Alicia's hand in marriage. So tonight, I do it the old fashioned way. Tonight I ask for their permission, and I prepare to take the next step. The ring is bought, the proposal is planned. It's all down to the wire now. Time to take that final step.

Wish me luck, and wish me courage loyal readers. Tonight's blog is short, and now you understand why. So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

The Question is Why?

 It's been apparent, and to some of you it may have been painfully so, that I've been quite busy for the past week. I recently came into a new job, and have spent the past week in very intense and rigorous training for it. Blogging time has been limited, but I'm making a goal to at the very least blog every Saturday, as my blogging time will be dependent on how intense this job ends up being after I finish training. During my first week of blogs, I simply blogged about whatever it is that has come to my head, and I intend to continue doing so.

Today's random thought, brings me back to one of my favorite pass times: gaming. Gaming, for me, isn't limited to electronic games. While I have spent a great deal of time in my life, indulging in electronic based entertainment, it isn't the only type of gaming out there. My love for games whether it be electronic, board based, or even simple free play, can be traced back as far as I can remember. For years a certain question has been posed to serious gamers, and I choose today to answer it unbidden.

Why do I game?

Many years ago, I remember sitting in the kitchen of our house in West Valley City, Utah. The house was full of my dad's friends. I remember the laughter, and the noise. Six people were gathered around the kitchen table. In front of all of them was a piece of paper, and my dad was "hiding" behind a large cardboard screen. Tonight was Dungeons and Dragons night, and if I stayed quiet, and stayed out of the way, maybe I'd get to watch. I was allowed to watch for a brief time, but as was always the case on DnD nights, I drifted asleep to the story my Dad and his friend's were weaving, and was carried to bed.

Jump to a different day, my dad is sitting at the old dos-based 486 computer. He's loading up the latest in the "Gold Box Forgotten Realms" computer adventures, or maybe it's "Eye of the Beholder." I watch as my dad's intrepid band of pixelated adventurer's fought to save the Realms from certain destruction. Some of my favorite memories of spending time with my dad was sitting in a chair, or on the floor and watching him spend time playing his games. It didn't matter what game it was, all I wanted to do was watch.

Fast forward a couple years, a new phenomenon is sweeping the world as teens and adults everywhere are playing Magic: The Gathering. I vividly remember my thrill as I opened each booster pack side by side with my dad. I remember the thrill of uncovering each new rare and powerful card. I remember hours of alphabetizing my card collections, and countless more hours spent designing decks and strategies. I can still smell the scent of mall-food as my dad and I attended a "Sealed Deck Tournament" together one Saturday. I didn't get very far, but I had a blast. I loved every minute of it. I'd later go on to win a few tournaments in my day, but this was the only tourney I attended with my dad. (On a back note; if I'd have stuck heavily with the game, dedicating the passion to it that I had when I was a kid... I probably could have gone pro... I was good!)

Again jump forward, Starcraft is the biggest real time strategy game on the planet. My dad is the regional manager for a company. I remember countless saturdays spent on the computers at that office, playing massive 8-player games of Starcraft with guys from our ward. Epic battles of strategy between our teenage minds were the highlight of our weekends.

Fast forward a few more years. I've gone from watching my dad play DnD, to trying to DM my own game. I found that the issue with being a "serious gamer" is you have to find "serious gamers" to play with. My friends of the day weren't serious about the game at all, and we failed miserably. But I had fun... right up until the fighter ripped the door off the hinges, and refused to believe that the magic which was supposed to have "sealed that door" a few scenes later in the story, was instead blocking the entrance. So instead of being trapped in my haunted house, they simply walked outside... Oh well, live and learn ;)

And again leap forward, my dad, my brother, and I are all crammed into the tiny office in the basement of our house, playing Dark Age of Camelot. The story has grown from there, but that's a previous entry.

Through all of this, there was a healthy dose of board games played at family gatherings, card games played with Mom and Dad on an evening. Games have been a part of my life since before I can remember. Sure, there are moments in gaming where I've lost my cool (the door story above is an example) and let's face it, no one wants to play with a bad sport. However, all in all, games have been a positive thing. Playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons gives me a chance to express my creativity. Games such as Dark Age can be played with my family several hundred miles away. Gaming has given me another activity to do with my lovely girlfriend. But, in spite of all of this, I haven't really answered my own question have I? I've given you a history of gaming, but I've never stated specifically why it is that I game.

So here it is readers, something that has been locked up inside for a long time. Why does Erik Taylor game?

If you look back at my history, you'll see a common thread. Most of my gaming, took place with my dad. I remember as a kid, looking at my dad, and wanting to be just like him. I wanted to be an engineer, because dad was. I wanted to wear glasses, because dad did. Every game I've ever picked up, I picked up because dad had played it first. I gamed, so that I could spend time with my dad. As I've grown up, my relationship with my dad hasn't always been the best. Even today, our relationship could be described as rocky. So when I game, I take a moment to experience the nostalgia of playing games with Dad, back when things were in top form. I learned my OCD style of gaming from my dad. I'm a perfectionist, and a completionist, and each time I unlock every secret in a game, or every time that I weave a story for my friends in DnD, I think of how my dad did it, think of how he'd spend hours continuing to build up his empire in Master of Orion, or in Civilization, even though he could wipe out his enemy in a single fell stroke.

So the answer, my readers, is simple. I game, because Dad gamed, and still games... And all my life, the thing I wanted most, was to be like, and to impress my dad.

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

The Massively Multiplayer Online Classroom

Ever since I graduated from High School in 2005 one of my principle forms of entertainment has been playing MMOs. I have vivid memories of rolling my first character Elterron. As I loaded on to Dark Age of Camelot's Lamorak server for the first time, and slowly began running Elterron through the world, questing and killing the beasties that were around me, I realized I'd found my video game niche. Here was a chance to play the RPG style game that I loved, but interact with other people at the same time. When my father, my brother and I all swapped over to the Ector server to play a different realm, I rolled my favorite character. Zuljinn Bloodaxe, mighty troll warrior. Together with Grall the Berserker and Giell the Bonedancer, we quested and killed our way to level 50.

In a future blog, I intend to tell the tale of my MMO experiences, but that is not the point of this one.

MMOs have taught me many things, ranging from the importance of communication to the value of teamwork. Perhaps the most important thing, and the aspect that I'm going to focus on in today's blog-cast, is the importance of roles.

In most MMOs there are three roles, there are the tanks, the damage dealers, and the support classes. Throughout my sordid MMO career, I've given all the roles a try. In Dark Age of Camelot I was a tank for a long time. I eventually created a support class, and enjoyed that quite a bit. In City of Heroes I played a tank, D&D Online I dished out the damage, and in World of Warcraft I dealt the damage, and I tanked. In my return to Dark Age I've played all the roles. Some people may be asking themselves what exactly each of these roles does, and so I'll give a quick discussion of each job.

Tanks: For lack of a better description, these guys are the meat shields. Also referred to as battle turtles, these characters have high defenses, and are specifically designed to take a ton of punishment, and irritate the enemy monsters to the point that the monsters focus on the tank, and not on anyone else. Tanks are a complex and important role.

Damage Dealers: Also referred to as DPS'ers, the damage dealers do exactly as their name suggests. They deal out pain and punishment to the beasties. Yet despite how easy this job may sound, its not really that simple. DPS'ers have to monitor just how much damage they're dealing. If they steal the attention of the beastie from the tank, they're likely dead. DPS'ers commonly have massive attack power, but little in the way of defense. DPS'ers are the ones who bring the beastie to the afterlife, and as such are a very important group of people.

Support: Support is likely the most diverse class. Support, and the jobs that it is charged with filling, is dependent on the game. Some games support is strictly heals. Other games have support classes who are in charge of "buffing up" the party. Dark Age of Camelot (my game of choice) has support classes who heal, buff, and crowd control. (Crowd control is where a player is responsible for keeping mobs, or other players [in a player versus player environment] unable to function. The tools for doing this are myriad, ranging from putting them to sleep, to rooting them in place, to simply stunning them. A good crowd controller can win a fight for a group who was up against overwhelming odds.) Support classes shift the balance between life and death. If a group goes up against a beastie that is far more powerful than them (a boss), if they don't have heals, buffs or other support tools, they're very likely toast.

Something that is implied by the term group, is that teamwork is required. So any discussion of roles is going to include a discussion on teamwork. A group cannot succeed just by having a star of any role. A group, in order to succeed, has to have successful members in each of their roles. If any one role fails in their job, the group fails. Each of my descriptions included a mention of how important each of the jobs was.

Something that I've learned, as I've talked with people who don't play MMOs, is that for the most part they don't understand what it's all about. What's the fascination with playing with people you can't see? What's the fascination with pretending you're someone, or something else? The lessons I've learned from MMOs, and the friendships I have forged, transcend things I could have learned spending time in a bar, or at a rec center, or any of those sorts of things. I look at people I've met via Ventrilo Voice chat, folks like Mondi, Kaeran, Kaznon, Ori, Allecia... All of these people I never would have met if I hadn't played the games. Their's are friendships that I treasure.

What may shock people the most, is what I've learned about my real life relationships, simply from playing the game. The lessons that I've learned on team work, and on filling your role to the best of your ability, have helped me in every aspect of my relationships. Whether it be in my professional life, where I need to do the best at my job, because its a critical bit to a team, or whether its working as a team with Alicia. I treasure and value the lessons I've learned.

Perhaps where I've been realizing the most poignant lessons is in my relationship with my beloved Alicia. I find myself regularly in the support role. Luckily, I've overcome my dislike of this role (both in game and out of game.) I find myself happily listening to her about her problems, and doing my best to buoy her up. She comes to me for advice, we talk about everything under the sun. Caring for her, has become a primary concern, and I'm finding it's a role that I fill quite well. Interestingly enough however, is the fact that this isn't a role I fulfilled very well prior to playing games. Many of my relationships failed, because I couldn't step back and fill the role that was needed at the time. I couldn't take the aggro, or I couldn't provide the support that was necessary. I wasn't a team player, and it cost me. The time spent learning the ins and outs of roles, and the importance of team work, while not only done in game, was mainly a skill I acquired by operating as a part of a team. I want to thank those who taught me to be part of a team, it has helped me to cultivate one of the greatest blessings in my life.

It's my belief that the MMO world has the potential to be a classroom, and to teach us things we never would have realized outside of it. For me, I did individual sports all through school, I was focused on myself, and cultivated a selfish attitude and outlook on life. It took me a great deal of time, and a great deal of hardship, to break it. I can confidently say, that a great deal of the lessons I learned that helped to break those habits, I learned in the classroom of Massively Multi-player Online RPGs.

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

A Phantasmal Idea

Something that I briefly mentioned a few entries ago, has been weighing on my mind for the past several days. Any who are close to me know, that a few years back, I experienced what some may call a... "possession of inspiration." (alright, only one person has ever called it that, and it wasn't me, but the more I've thought about it, the more it makes sense.)

Years ago, when I first discovered Breaking Benjamin, and specifically discovered the song "Breath," the inklings of what I call... my story, were brought to me. For days I say and listened to certain songs over, and over again. I wrote exhaustive notes, I conferred with other people, seeing if they could hear what I was hearing, hidden behind the words of the songs. Never before had I felt such a driving inspiration to create something.

Yet despite having the story, despite having everything I need, without fail, every time I have sat down to write the tale... I fail. It's as though there is a fleeting bit of the story that eludes me, a phantasmal, half formed notion or idea, that while small, is the keystone of the story. My notes continue to grow, my knowledge of the story continues to be fleshed out by my imagination. Yet I still suffer from the worst case of writer's block I've ever known.

I'm unsure what I'm waiting for, but I pray that I will find it, or that it will find me. Perhaps there are just events in my life that need to take place to inspire pieces of my story. I know that when Alicia and I had our whirlwind beginning of our relationship, several things in the story fell into place. Perhaps that is what I'm waiting for. It is possible that events, and people, in my life will continue to cast illumination on the few remaining shadows of my story, and then at last, I'll be able to write it.

Perhaps at length throughout the course of my blog, I will discuss various aspects of my story, give my loyal readers access to the in depth workings of my creative process. Perhaps not, as you all have probably guessed by now - I'm an unconventional blogger. The Rogue Signal is little more than a collected works of my most random thoughts, and I pray that those who take the time to read it find enjoyment, amusement, and perhaps some form of mental stimulation from reading my words.

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.

A "sinking" feeling...

So last evening, I was preparing dinner and realized that one of the pans I would need in order to caramelize some onions was dirty. So my natural inclination was, of course, to wash it. So I did the usual process, a dab of soap in the pan, got some hot water in it and began to wash the pan. The pan has been used to cook soup, and so there was a bit of the soup that I was rinsing down the drain. As is my habit, I ran the garbage disposal following the rinsing and the washing, and the rinsing again of the pan. This is where the trouble all started.

To my horror, as I ran the garbage disposal, the water that I was running down it, was not going down the drain, but rather was resurfacing on the other side of the two basin sink! I immediately turned the disposal off, and waited... for 5 minutes, and still nothing had drained. Mustering my nerve I reached into the cloudy and icky looking water, seeking to find a source of the clog on either side. I discovered nothing. I rushed downstairs to obtain the drain cleaner, and after thoroughly reading the instructions, proceeded with the drain cleaning procedures.

Two hours later, the sink had yet to fully drain. I then followed the instructions for "what to do if it doesn't drain after procedure #1." Two hours later the sink was fully drained. I felt as though all my problems were solved! I was excited. This morning however, I went to do the dishes from last evening's dinner, and discovered to my utter dismay... that once again the sink wasn't draining.

I'm at my wits end. It's left me with a rather sinking feeling.

Sorry for the short post today, and for none yesterday. Yesterday, I got a job with Convergys, so what would have been blog time was spent filing out HR paperwork. And today, I need to go and do some more research on the sink...

So until next time loyal readers, this has been another blogcast of the Rogue Signal. Goodnight, and good luck.