-George Eliot
~~~
Ever since I was given my first clock radio when I was a child, music has held a very special place in my heart. As life has progressed that love has extended beyond simply listening to music, but in making it as well. I've risen from a child who "couldn't carry a tune in a bucket," to someone with a fair voice, not incredible, but its alright. I've even discovered that I can ply my hand at playing an instrument, and discovered that I had a moderate bit of talent for the flute. Through the years I've let some of those skills slide, I don't think I've picked up a flute in almost 5 years, and I haven't been in a choir since high school. Sure, I still sing along to the radio, sing in the shower, sing probably at any number of time when many would rather I not sing, but I'm not in practice. My voice has returned to its unrefined and unpolished state. If there is one thing, that since I first learned what the "sleep timer" does on a clock radio, that has never faltered, it's my listening to music.
Many who look at my iPod feel that I have an eclectic taste in music. My library ranges from Breaking Benjamin, to Styx, to Within Temptation, to Eminem and back to the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Music, to me, is about mood. Isidore of Seville once said that "Nothing exists without music, for the universe itself is said to have been framed by a kind of harmony of sounds, and the heaven itself revolves under the tone of that harmony." I tend to agree. For me, a day without music is akin to a day without food. I can survive without it for a time, but I feel hollow and empty. I crave, and indeed ache for the fulfillment and satisfaction that the intake of a good song will give me.
Today, as I'm writing, I ponder a few of my favorites, and think also of what it is about these songs that I treasure. I think of my favorite song, "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin, and I consider the fact that for nearly 3 years now, I have listened to that song at least once a day, and it has never grown old. Something about when the initial guitar riffs of this song open up, makes me feel renewed. A smile crosses my face, and for a second my heart soars. It takes me back to a time when I sat at my laptop, listening to this song, and to the rest of the album ("Phobia") upon which its found, typing the notes to what I felt and still feel was my story to tell the world. To this day I can still hear the voices of the characters in the song. For me, the song "Breath," reigns as king of all songs, and Breaking Benjamin held sway as the greatest of bands.
I still remember the evening when I was browsing the VN Boards for Dark Age of Camelot and came across a threat titled "Within Temptation vs Evanescence" Now, at the time Evanescence was one of my favorite bands, and so of course I logged in simply to place my vote for Amy Lee... But then I decided to click some of the links for the Within Temptation songs, and I was stunned by what I heard. I spent the rest of that night, and well into the wee hours of the next morning, listening to the incredible symphonic metal that Within Temptation is known for. I discovered songs like "Somewhere," "Solemn Hour," "Forgiven," and what is likely my favorite Within Temptation song, "Ice Queen."
Perhaps one of the most pleasing aspects of music, is the "soundtrack of life." I've had a playlist at one point or another, for everything. Whether it was my "Get the Heck Outta Bed" playlist during my time at Job Corps, my "Exploited Worker Playlist" of my fast food years or the "Red is Dead" playlist that provided the backdrop to countless hours of Realm vs Realm combat in Dark Age of Camelot, music is ever present in my life. Allow me, for a moment, to talk about the latter, which holds so many powerful memories.
I remember sitting in ventrilo with my DAoC guild, and as our avatars rushed across the snowy fields of Midgard the heavy sounds of Manowar's "Gods of War" was pounding from the iHome. As I moved from target to target, peeling enemies off our healers I felt truly transported back to the world of Camelot. I was battling beside my friends, and nothing, not even death, would keep us from honor. We were Gods of War. I vividly remember listening to the words of the song "Sleipnir" as our group was crushed under a vastly more numerous force. "Carry we, who die in battle, over land and sea. Across the rainbow bridge, to Valhalla. Odin's waiting for me!" Despite the death, and despite the fact that it signaled the end of the night's fun, I couldn't help but grin at the poetry of the moment. This playlist also held many other "art metal" (bands who seek to always tell a story in their music) songs. Freedom Call heralded the coming of the Barons of Brutality on more than one occasion. I think that I will take the time to craft another RvR playlist, Dark Age is always better with a soundtrack!
There is one more thing that I'd like to discuss before I close. I apologize for the length, I know I'm running long, but I want to write for a moment about the healing power of music. As discussed in the last entry, I met Alicia last summer. I remember most clearly the morning in September when she called to end it. (we would later rekindle our love, and do things the right way, but in September I thought it was over.) The words she said aren't important, but I was devastated. Something in my heart screamed at me that losing her was wrong. I knew that I'd made a great many mistakes in our relationship, and I was paying the price. I spent several nights harrowed up by the memory of our relationship, and more importantly by the stupid things I'd done, that had driven her away. As is my bent, I began to think long and hard about how to improve, I made a list. I cried, for the list seemed too long to be accomplished, and so I shredded it. The panic attacks continued, and I knew that if I was to ever be good enough for someone like Alicia (remember I thought Alicia herself was gone) that I'd have to make these changes. So I then made the list again, and began to plan. Stage one of the plan, was a soundtrack. I sat down and created, what for me, is the most powerful playlist I've ever made. This playlist was called "Catharsis." I choose to keep the songs, save one, of this playlist to myself, due to their personal nature, but they changed my life. This combination of songs, swelling from the love filled songs of youthful infatuation, to the crushing songs of pain and loss, and culminating at last in the song "Forgiven" by Within Temptation. I cried so many tears, but in the pain that these songs brought me, I forged a new person. I made choices and decisions, did research and readings, prayed and soul sought, and emerged on the other side a better and stronger man. This playlist, the soundtrack for my period of catharsis and self improvement, helped to make me the man that Alicia loves today.
I could spend the next several hours writing about my love for music, and discussing the various artists and songs that bring me joy, or bring me sadness. Music, in all its forms, whether it be rap, metal, instrumental or gospel carry a power beyond anything we can imagine. Each and every song has the potential to touch someone in way that will be perfectly unique. Alicia and I share many similar likes when it comes to music, but there are other songs that she loves, that I get nothing out of. Likewise, songs that I enjoy fail to move her. It is this, in my opinion, that makes music special. What other force in the world has the ability to move someone so completely? Music brings so much into our world. Without music, I fear that this world, a world with so many problems, would spiral even further out of control.
It is my belief, and I encourage you, my dear readers, to take a moment each day and tune out the world. Even if it's just one song, sit down and listen to the symphony of your own life. Find that song, that artist, or that instrument that moves you. Allow yourself to be transported from the present, and let the music wash over you like a river, cleansing you from the cares of the day. Music can cure what ails you, if but for a moment, and that moment, my friends, can make all the difference.
